I’m tired

He said
It’s the strangest thing
Remembering
how it all just fell apart
Deep in my vault
I guess I placed the fault on you
But that won’t get me through
It’s just a lie a lie of my heart

He said
It’s the strangest thing
Remembering
How I need control
Deep down inside
Where I need to swallow pride
Give some rest to my weary soul

Cause I’m too tired to fight it
Way too tired to reignite it
Just need some room cuz I’m moving on
And I’m way too tired to argue
Way too tired to try to hate you
It’s when I’m tired I’m finding I am strong

He said
It’s the strangest thing
Remembering
How we just walked away
Deep in my tears
My insecurity and fears
I wish I knew just what to say

He said
It’s the strangest thing
Remembering
How I somehow lost control
Deep down inside
I need to learn to swallow pride
Give me rest to my weary soul

Cause I’m too tired to fight it
Way too tired to reignite it
Just need some room cuz I’m moving on
And I’m way too tired to argue
Way too tired to try to hate you
It’s when I’m tired I’m finding I am strong

Advertisements

Grow up

This is by far the best thing I’ve ever written. I wrote it a long time ago but I still love it.

I saw Micky Mouse
In his house
He was running around in his underwear
I saw Peter Pan
With a joint in his hand
He was smoking like he didn’t care

ain’t that Snow White
She pickin a fight
With a man she call the prince of her life
And Tinkerbell
Saying what the Hell
As she threatens me with a knife

When did we all grow up and not know where we’re going?
And haven’t we looked at ourselves
Instead of the stones we’re throwing?

Ain’t that Elmer Fudd
Making Bambi venison
As he kisses Bugs Bunny goodbye
And Donald Duck
Saying my life sucks
As he goes in the back and gets high

Or Kermit the Frog
Living high off the hog
This really hasn’t been his best day
Or three blind little pigs
in their dresses and wigs
That really want to show you the way

When did we all grow up and not know where we’re going
And haven’t we looked at ourselves
Instead of the stones we’re throwing

Icarus

Did you know I’d have asked the lord to fly?
And wiped away every tear
Every time you cried
Did you know that I’d walk 100 miles
Just to see you smile
And dream another dream tonight
I haven’t seen it in a while

Did you know I said your name
Every time you prayed
And used to turn the speakers up
Ev’ry time your song played
I’d have climbed the highest mountain
If you were on the other side
But since things won’t be the same
I won’t tell you if I’ve cried

Even Icarus with his fake wings
Did some pretty stupid things
And Venus kind of let things go
All for love if you don’t know
If we’re just here to walk this ground
And hold the treasures we have found
If forgiveness could just be a place
I’d love to see it on your face
If forgiveness is a place

You know I’d have asked the Lord to fly
Stopped what I was doing almost every time you sighed
You know that I’d take back the harshest words
Sometimes i felt i needed them
Just so I’d be heard

Did you know that I’d have scaled
Even the highest walls
Gone through the wilderness
Braved the deepest pitfalls
Did you know I’d walk through fire
If you’re on the other side
I wish you knew just how I felt
Deep down on the inside

Did you know I’d have asked the lord to fly?
And wiped away every tear
Every time you cried
Did you know that I’d walk 100 miles
Just to see you smile
And dream another dream tonight
I haven’t seen it in a while

Did you know

I wrote this post in the notes section of one of my two profiles on Facebook but as someone pointed out no one reads the note section so I am posting it here.

Yesterday I had a thought. I started wondering what my voice sounds like to God. What does it sound like when I praise? But more importantly, what does it sound like when I pray for things he will only answer in his timing? How small is my voice to God? Or is the timid voice I think I have coming in strong? Is my voice different to God when I curse? When I show fear? Jealousy? These are my thoughts in lyrical form. This is what I think God says to me. This comes out of something that was said to me

Do you know what your voice sounds like
Through the pouring rain?
When your words are laced with sorrow
And your heart is full of pain?

Did you know that all your whispers
Come through loud and clear?
Did you know I also cry at night
When you shed your tears?

Did you know I know your human
And I know your gonna fail?
When the crown was placed upon me
And I felt the sting of nails

Did you know that I forgive you
When you’re beating yourself up?
Did you know I hear your silence
When I need to be enough

Do you know my heart is breaking
When I put your prayers on hold?
That I want to give you all you need
And won’t leave you in the cold?

But right now I need your heart
The one that you won’t give
I still want to give you everything
The life you were meant to live.

Did you know that I have spoken
Every time you didn’t hear?
And even when you’re far away
I’m always standing near

Did you know that I still love you
More than anything on Earth
Did you know that I am waiting
For the day you know your worth?

Quicker Sand

Its been 10 days since I called you
It was at your request
Now I’m wishing I could talk to you
To get things off my chest
But I don’t think that it solve anything
You just slipped right through my hand
And now it feels Just like I’m sinking
It couldn’t be much quicker sand
No I’m sure it won’t solve anything
You couldn’t be much quicker sand

Hello, now
I think that’s how I’d start
How are you?
Did you know you broke my heart?
I pray for you
though it isn’t quite the same
You’ve moved on
But I haven’t forgot your name

Ive lost weight
did you know I’d move the earth?
I prayed tonight to heaven
That you’d some how found your worth
Run through fire
I’d stand out in the rain
I’d chase Satan back to hell
If it erased your pain

It’s been 10 days since I called you
All at your request
And I’m wishing we could talk right now
To get this off my chest
Although their were good times
I certainly understand
That maybe it was doomed to fail
On much quicker sand
I’m sure it won’t solve anything
I was always quicker sand
I’m sure it won’t solve anything
Standing on quicker sand

I’m out tonight
At places we used to go
Talking to the same good friends
That we used to know.
I miss the laughter
How we got from a to z
I love the way you made me laugh
And what that did to me.

with the sweet
Came the bitter that’s where I went wrong
You’d preferred that I stayed weak
And I came on too strong
You just might not see it now
But I hope you might some night
Even through the darkest times
You managed to be a light

It’s been 10 days since I called you
All at your request
I really want to talk right now
To get this off my chest
I don’t think it would solve anything
You slipped right through my hand
What I wouldn’t do to save you now
From much quicker sand.
What I wouldn’t to to save you now
From much quicker sand

Transparency

This is a blog entry about being transparent. About telling the truth. About knowing how to tell the truth and when the truth is just better left unsaid. I’m transparent to a fault. I want people to know how I’m feeling and the length to which I’m feeling it. Unfortunately, that makes me look like a basket case a lot or a bit unbalanced To anyone reading this that has thought this, it’s ok you can now wipe the sweat off your brow for thinking it. I’ll even go into the next room and get my drink while you do it. Ok, I’m back. Here’s the rub. I have been on a emotional roller coaster for most of my life. For reasons I don’t comprehend, I’ve chosen to stay on it. I learned today that the root words behind emotion mean to “pull away”. Emotions can pull us away from ourselves. If you are at all like me living by emotions has given the wrong impression to people. That you are easily swayed. That you lack control. Some of us look okay on the outside and aren’t on the inside. We have a tempest inside that leads us away from ourselves.

This week I’ve been on the roller coaster of emotions so much that I dreamt I was on a roller coaster in a theme park. It twisted, turned me upside down, went up hills and down. Wanna know something funny? It never occurred to me that I could get off the ride. I have let emotions control me and destroy things that were and are precious to me. I have over reacted and done things based on emotion.

Wanna know something else I learned? It’s really hard to follow God based on emotions. You can’t. Faith doesn’t have to be a tempest.

Years ago, a deceased musician that is my hero, Rich Mullins, wrote ” Boy you just follow your heart, but my heart just led me into my chest”. I was thinking about that song today. Emotions are important, but under control. I am on that journey to place more balance into the things I feel. Instead of going into past situations and finding only what went wrong, finding the thing in life that made that moment beautiful for you. I have deep regrets about acting out of emotion instead of by faith. I have healing to do. God made my heart. I need to follow him. God as I sit here today, let your grace remind me of what is true. Don’t let me be led away from myself by misty notions and emotions that are volatile. Bring healing where there needs to be healing and acceptance where there needs acceptance. I am in your hands now God

Imagine

Imagine for a moment
A word that’s stuck in time
And a memory that haunts you
That won’t give you peace of mind
Imagine that it grabs you
With a force that won’t let go
Keeps you stuck in one place
And doesn’t let you grow

Imagine that this moment
Has defined just who you are
And nothing can change that now
Not wishing in a star
Imagine you could go back
And erase it from the books
Imagine things were better
Go on and take a look

But imagine if things kept going
Just the way they were
And you went on caring
But nothing came from her
Imagine you grew weaker

And all your strength was spent
Imagine what kind of ground
You’d have to pitch your tent

Imagine you did things better
But the outcome was the same
And you lost a little of yourself
And forgot your name
Would it make a difference
If there’s still a hole?
I would have gained the world it seems
But set fire to my soul.
P