Broken

I am not sure I understand why feeling broken seems to come so easy to me. When loss hits and devastates me. When I look at people around me and see them hurting and absolutely not being able to do anything. I’m a lot like my mom that way. We both see hurt and take on the responsibility of wanting to fix it. That’s where things usually go wrong. People need to go through things and sometimes it’s overbearing when someone wants to experience your pain for you. Going through storms gives us the ability to hold our heads up high because we’ve proven we can do it. Burdens are sometimes too much and we always need people but sometimes we don’t need them to do anything more than be there

On Monday, I woke up to two pieces of news that set my day off wrong. I went to my moneycard’s website and found out that there was a 36.00 charge I didn’t make on the card which gave me much less than I thought. I have 3.00 left. And 9 days to be paid. I am grateful that an answer is on its way.

But that wasn’t even the worst of the news. Someone I used to compete with on karaoke contests committed suicide. Suddenly my issues didn’t seem as big.

Things are pretty rough with most of my friends. Someone very close me was just diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. But wanna know something amazing? He’s at peace about it. So if he’s at peace about it, why do I want to curse the sky? Why is hope easier to find for some and harder for others? Why do some find peace in trouble and others feel like giving up?

I personally believe that it has to do with faith. Each person is given a measure of it. I have the same faith as my friend with cancer but my measure is not the same. If any of you is sick…( read James in the Bible). Yelling at the sky is my way of beginning to understand

God does not do evil.

I owe people in my life thanks for allowing me to pray for them and apologies for being overwhelming when I want to take away circumstances so badly that I take away their ability to become stronger.

If I get in the way I apologize. I do it in the spirit of goodness but it may not always be good.

God is good and gives us what we need. Sometimes I believe that more for you than I do for me. I’m not sure why.